Why I Will Never Ride My Bike Indoors

The gracious and spacious world of Pokemon has taught me a great many things in my short life. How to treat all things with friendship and respect, and the infinite power we can possess when we work together. I have watched from afar as Ash Ketchum and his Pokemon friends have adventured together always discovering a meaningful lesson. The timeless words of Professor Oak still resonates within my being,”Now is not the time for that”. He has taught me how to use self control and observe my surroundings before acting irrationally and making a poke-fool of my poke-self.

Whenever Chase Bauer of earth feels scared and alone, he knows that he is okay, for there is another reality where he lives as Maxim, Pokemon League Champion and vanquisher of the Elite Four. He has a uncountable number of amazing friends, a cool green bike, and a huge sum of cash in his ever-spacious backpack. He explores deep catacombs and treks across grasslands in search of more friends to enslave and do his bidding.

Chase(Maxim) recalls an event where he recently ran into MOLTRES, the fiery legendary bird pokemon. He speaks of a moment where he felt his heart had melded with the powerful bird’s heart, leaving him with  an eternal sense of warmth and well-being. The only other times he has ever felt the same amount of happiness is the when he runs into other beautiful and unique legendary pokemon. But, even the beautiful and unique cannot hide from the prison-like enclosure known as the Master Ball. The master ball is just like any other Poke Ball but it has the capture success rate of 100%. This makes it a very powerful tool that all pokemon trainers would love to get their adventurous hands upon.

Although Maxim’s stories may sound tyrannical and evil, they are not, they are pure tales of forced love and friendship between himself and the wondrous creatures known as Pokemon. Together they defy all odds and fight for only good causes.

I hope one day all can enter the mystical world of the Pokemon, for it is a welcoming and pure land filled with friendly beings that only exist to cause entertainment and happiness.


Maxim, the very best.

This was a Pokemon themed blog Mrs. M, so sorry if you didn’t get it.


I’m Not Thankful for…

…the goofy weirdos who thinks it’s aye okay for them to start celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving has even occurred yet. Like, what the heck, thats    stoopid. Thanksgiving is a magical day where we can indulge in delicious yum yums without worrying about becoming obese pig-humans. I will admit though I really didn’t care about Thanksgiving until I got to an age where eating was pretty much just as much fun as getting gifts. Food is good and I enjoy it in mass quantities, it keeps me strong and powerful so I can cast even the most draining and devastating spells. How are wizards like myself suppose to protect our families from gargoyles and vampires if the public begins to skip Thanksgiving, or as we sorcerer-folk call it Manabloom Harvest, for it is the one time of year when the moon aligns perfectly with the Blood Star allowing us to fill our mana reserves to maximum capacity so that we will be able to foresee and deter any level 9 apocalyptic events.

The importance of the Manabloom Harvest does not only apply to wizards either. Without the public eating large amounts of turkey and potatoes there will be no stench to hold of the hordes of orcs and hellhounds that writhe beneath our earths crust. They will burst forth from the ground and spring upon innocents gnashing their teeth before blindly ripping at their preys jugular. When the blood pours forth it will drench the land attracting flocks of bats. The bats will use their swift acrobatic flying to create a dark vortex that will summon demon trolls to wreak havoc in the cities of men. All of this will eventually lead to the end of man and will turn the earth into an ideal location for the devils playground.

So this, is why I stress the importance of Thanksgiving. It is the most important holiday of them all. I apologize to inform you that the story of the Pilgrims and Indians creating Thanksgiving is merely a cover up. Now that you know the truth I beg you to spread the word of Earth’s wizard council and go to greater lengths to celebrate Manabloom Harvest for the safety of yourself and your loved ones. Feel free to continue prematurely celebrating Christmas once Thanksgiving has passed, but until then…stop it.

Happy Manabloom Harvest!!!


Novice Wizard, Chase Lee Dragonheart, of the Northern Peaks

I got my PS4 and its sweet as sugar

I have recently been blessed with another near perfect and blissful day. The PS4 released and it has been my primary concern since its first beautiful whirl to life. Its beauty is not only in its easy to use user interface but also its shiny/matte body, italic shape, and comfortable controller that has a super cool blue light. I really like the blue light. Sadly, I fear other aspects of my life will receive less attention for the magnitude of joy this new technological phenomenon brings me far out weighs the amount I care for silly A.P. English blogs and other lame endeavors I have previously put much time and effort into. Like, HELLLLLOOOOO I have to keep improving my kill death ratio so I don’t look like a total noob in front of all my hip and jive online friends.

Do not fear for me though, for I have not entered this psychedelic and time consuming void alone. I am being accompanied by a group of friends that have had my back since my years as a youngling. Scanbear leads the team with the incredible intellect score of 104 and a physical attractiveness score of 105, with him as our leader I will be surprised if we ever lose a match of tiring online combat.

Even know I can feel the pull of my PS4 ripping me from this keyboard begging me to discontinue this meaningless task. Everything seems oh so silly since she has entered my life. She is my muse, with beauty that surpasses even that of Aphrodite how could she not be? At the sight of someone else playing her my fingers cramp and my blood boils as I feel a violent berserker of a hound writhe beneath my skin, begging to be released so it may slaughter the occupant of her controller. But, I control myself and force the vengeful contorted beast back behind the curtain of my monotone and careless composure.

OKAY im bored.

<3 Chase (CENTOWER on the playstation network)

a recounting of the single greatest event of my life

It was an average day, but at the same time it really wasn’t an average day at all. It was poisoned by the crippling venom of anticipation. It is said that it is unwise to wish time away, and I spent that entire day wishing for it to be that evening when I would finally see the the otherworldly and talented Say Anything led by the musical powerhouse Max Bemis.

The night was already too good to be true, for the opening bands helped me expand my musical tastes and exposed me to the relatable and up beat Front Bottoms. Plus, I could not have been accompanied by a better crew, three of the greatest friends a handsome man could have, who will remain unnamed, and my super hip and cool dad, Ryan, who will not be unnamed, obviously. It was the bee’s knees. The lyrics and beats spurred my ears to attention as I went on a mystical journey with my favorite band. It was as if we were riding unicorns through valleys of wheat and redwoods as Max and the band played songs that would cling to the fabric of my being till I purposely vanquished them from my soul. The raw emotion of Max Bemis could be felt as he belted out the crisp lyrics that he personally lined with a hint of style and zest that only he could bestow, for the stories he sings of are timeless and mystifying, leaving listeners with a sense that they may be the very subject of his pith penetrating songs.

As the concert came to a close I was forced to swallow my sadness as we left the venue. But, just as we were about to begin the bone shattering return to the vehicle the single greatest moment occurred. The band strutted right by me and I made direct eye contact with Mr. Bemis. It felt like time slowed as a photon blast released from his eyes surrounded by a flurry of heat and power. It tore my heart from my chest and ribs as an explosion of gore covered the near by pedestrians  and send it to the heavens, as the bond holding my cells broke turning me to a silver powder. Everything after that is a blur and I only remember is in bits and pieces. The next day I woke up in my bed. To this very day I do not have a heart beat, for my heart is flying through space at a super sonic pace fueled by the crude and alien feelings of that night.




Chase Out homestick 😉

B-Rad is a straight up goofball and he is happy too.

I love to hang with my buddy, B-rad. He’s super cool and has almost unlimited amount of interests and topics to hold discussions about. He has always got my back and is always good for a laugh. He has a hearty chuckle that resonates deep within his powerful and masculine chest. There are very few creatures that could best Brad-Stick in a fight but if there was one that could it would be me, and that is only because we hold a bond so powerful, that for Brandon to do harm to me would be incredibly painful for him due to his moral code that he closely follows. Even though Brad and I have many differences we avoid fights and use our powerful shared pool of knowledge to best less intelligent members of the human race and pummel criminals with out incredible psy-blasts.

He is goofy though and it is for that reason he often looks upon me with an obvious signs of pity. For he sees truth in complicated situations and fluently slips through the walls of the universe to discover many things that few humans could even comprehend, and if they did they would suffer extreme brain damage just as I have. It has been almost 4 years since the day I met B-Rad and within that time I have slowly lost my grasp of whats real and the things that only hold truth in the world of Brandon. I have developed a weak paralysis due to the aura that emits from Brandon. Our prolonged friendship has had a direct effect on my personal well being and therefor I have to disconnect from my dear friend Brandon so I will not lose my life. Last I spoke to Brandon he told me he was going to join The Craytawn Blewjays of the Northern Peaks. I hope he finds peace there.

Chase the Wise Out 🙂

Waiting Sucks

Waiting is really dumb. The long awaited PS4 comes out next month and I can’t wait. It’s gonna be the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas. Im gonna watch blue rays in my room, and play violent video games. Plus, it doesn’t help they Sony has been releasing some of the coolest commercials ever. Like, I realized that my communication with other human beings will become minimal but I really don’t care one bit. I have been deprived of the thrill of video games due to the fact that my Xbox 360 went kaput about a year ago.

It was a average day. The sun was shining and the air was crisp. But, I didn’t care, I was gonna play my Xbox. Sadly that wasn’t in the cards. I went to press that inviting, glowing X that would activate my gaming console, but something didn’t feel right. The system turned on with loud hum of anticipation. But, this was not my day. When I placed the disc into the tray, BAM, my life turned to ash. I felt reality slipping from my grasps as I came to the realization that my xbox was no longer a functioning piece of my simple yet elegant life.

Now you know why I sit night after night trembling as a await the release of what could possibly be the most incredible gaming system of the century. I currently have a charity that will take money and put it towards the PS4 of the young and handsome Chase Bauer. Please help this young man(me) acquire this delicate and powerful machine that shines with prowess of the weak glow of the Xbox One.

Chase Out :'(

My Best Friend, Sammy.

Hair like liquid gold, sweet and elegant like that of a cantering horse on the soft rolling prairies of the midwest. This is the best possible way for me to describe my buddy, Sam’s, long and flowing mane. There are only a few individuals who I can say really impacted my life, but if I were to pick a top five of them, she would be at the tippy top. She inspires me to be a positive person using her mediocre people skills and endless supply of reliability. At my lowest points there is always a speckle of piercing and undying light that penetrates the binding coils of the darkness, it’s Samantha P.C.

Sam has never confided in me the details of the epic journey known as her life, therefore I shall make it up using assumptions I have made by spectating her daily actions.

It was breezy on the 8th day of March in 1996. The leaves on the trees quivered with anticipation for it was a momentous day. The elder scale lizards, native to Springfield, all deadlined for the burrows as a fiery wave of heat resonated from the distant, Bergen Mercy Hospital. It was there that Becky hefted the heap of blankets up into the air and screamed, “its a girl!…I think”. Within the mass of blankets rested the purest child the earths surface has ever been home to. As baby Sammy released her first cries for sustenance, a sonic boom exploded through the hospital shattering glass and disrupting electronics.

That was long ago…

Now, Sam has refused to use her powers bestowed upon her by the Nordic Tribes of the Eastern Winds. She hides these gifts so she may blend with society, and one day, when she is needed, save the world from a threat that we can’t even imagine.

The surface of our Earth will break, and out from its core will bleed the bane of humanity, slaying us by the thousands as it slashes it’s whips of fire across the ground. When all hope seems lost, she will save us all, just as she has saved me everyday of my life. :’) I hope that my recounting of the events that will transpire will push you to befriend Sam, for when she saves our planet, she will be lost. She will make the greatest possible sacrifice, her life.

Chase, the incredible time traveler, Out 🙂


Im so hungry right now.

I am super duper hungry right now, and that’s the truth. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning and honestly I regret doing that. Plus, I have had a low account balance on my account so I couldn’t go crazy at lunch, leaving me in a weak and fragile state for the rest of the day. Thankfully, I had almost a whole entire box of Cheez-its waiting for me in marketing class so I am a little happier even though it only sated my extreme hunger for a bit. I believe this endless and powerful hunger spawns from an event that occurred months ago.

You see, my birthday was belittled by the people I call my “Family”. I had been whining and begging, and begging and whining about how I felt I could no longer properly operate without having the lettuce wraps from P.F. Chang’s. Although these my seem like any other food to you, to me they are a fuel, a muse, a whisper in my ear that does not go away. Soooooooo anyway, they had heard my requests and they scoffed  upon my single birthday request by denying me the opportunity to consume the delicious appetizers of Mr. P.F. Chang. Now, give me a chance to catch of breathe as the next part of the story makes my stomach churn and my thoughts turn to black.

Alright now I am gonna finish of this tale of true deprivation and starvation. My birthday had passed like a summer’s day leaving me with only recollections of misery. But, like the saint everyone knows I am, I found it in my heart to forgive my family. My family, Mason, and myself took a trip to California, and I had a great time. The joy I felt could only be bested by that of the lettuce wraps I continued to dream about on a regular basis. While we where there we went to a fancy sports bar. I was pleased, for I found they had lettuce wraps. As I ate them I compared and contrasted their various textures and flavors to that of my beloved. They were not nearly as good, but the thirst I felt had finally been quenched and I have been happy ever since. 🙂 Chase Out